Have any of these ever happened to you?
- Harsh, untrue things said about you.
- You once met a stranger (online or in person) who was unkind to you for no obvious reason.
- Not everyone holds you in high esteem.
- Not everybody loves, approves of or supports you and your way of life.
- The people whose opinions you highly value, are of the opinion that you do not amount to much.
- More than one person out there does not see your worth.
In your lifetime, you have probably experienced one of the above.
These realities all have something in common. They have the possibility to give you a bad day (or week or month! Depends), make you question your worthiness or have you thinking very lowly of yourself. When they happen to you, it’s one of two results. It’s either the “touch and disintegrate” or “penetrate and assimilate” effect.
The “touch and disintegrate” happens to people who have been exposed to these incidents, but then shake it off firmly enough. Think of it as your skin being sprayed with oil. It has touched you, because you’re human and physical and not invincible. But you “disintegrate” it by washing it away with soap and water carefully and firmly enough, to rid yourself of its splash. This is very possible.
The “penetrate and assimilate” response happens to people who open up and accept these incidents, and even incorporate as truth all the negative feelings, beliefs and labels that come with them. Think of the oil splash again. But this time instead of washing it off, you rub it into your skin over and over again, until your subcutaneous layers are spongy with it.
The difference between these two groups of people is the presence of an internal validation stronghold. A stronghold based on knowledge of, respect for and confidence in self. A stronghold that is consciously and continuously fed, so it’s not about to be disintegrated by a social media banter or how that guy on the sidewalk treated you. A validation that comes from inside…from self.
The most beautiful thing about a climax of self is the knowledge of self. Which means your self-validation is not vain, delusional or dogmatic. It is based on things you actually KNOW about yourself…your abilities, spirit, soul, heart, kindness, dreams, and givings that stamp you as “worthy”, even with your imperfections…things the rest of the world does not know, and reason why it is not up to us – the world – to validate you, since we do not, and will never know the whole picture.
Knowledge of self leads to a solid internal stronghold of validation that gives you the versatility to “touch and disintegrate” instead of “penetrate and assimilate” not-so-positive encounters in your everyday life.
It also gives the lightness of heart to not take all things personal and the understanding that while people have the freedom to speak, act and feel; it is your responsibility to either assimilate or disintegrate the opinions they express. Embrace and pursue this validity that comes from inside. That is the optimal one.
